I had all kinds of reactions to this, but ultimately don't want to add any opinions. I feel they'd just be subtracting from this brilliantly honest exploration of your lived experiences and views. Especially as a male with entirely different societal expectations.
Seperately I can empathise, as someone raised catholic, with aspects of religious shaming and doctrine! Some of which just always live in your head. Even though I threw those beliefs away decades ago.
And as a Dad of a 14 year old trying to navigate these topics. I think this would be good for my daughter to read. As a kind of affirmation that sexuality and sex are ok and important but also messy cultural things too. I think we're a generally liberal family but sometimes you need to read somebody elses perspectives to really shake your brain and make it think.
Wow, thank you so much. That means a lot to me, particularly what you said about your daughter. Part of the reason why I wrote this is because I'm trying to unpick some of the messages I learned, mostly for my daughter's sake. She's 10 now and I always said I would be honest with her about this stuff, even if it's painful and embarrassing. She'll get all sorts of mixed messages about sexuality from culture in general, but she doesn't have to have the same damaging experiences I had.
I think we're fairly sex-positive and open-minded as a family but in practice it's actually really hard to teach this stuff. We all have deeply-rooted stuff that can be difficult to deal with and I think that impacts the way we parent our own kids. Writing this has helped me to figure out what I don't want them to learn, at least!
Thank you again, it does mean so much to me :) especially as it's a topic that makes me feel quite vulnerable.
This is what I was wanting to say exactly! There is nothing I could add that would be of any value really.
My experience with Christianity is so different from so many others’ I’ve come to realize. I was raised a Methodist and among the mainline denominations the Methodist church is pretty left-leaning as far as my understanding goes. My wife calls them the hippie denomination, lol. My own experience in the church I grew up in corroborates this. There was never any judgement, everyone was always loving, kind, and open-minded and accepting of people from all walks of life no matter who they were. Never any shaming. I would experience that later on when I’d occasionally visit other types of churches. That’s when I realized there are a lot of strange beliefs out there that were completely out of step with what I was raised with. So I count myself lucky in that regard!
Ah Daniel, that sounds like the perfect way to interact with the Christian faith.
Our actual church was very welcoming and loving, and generally accepting. There was never any kind of hatred from the pulpit. But there was some subtle, theological-based stuff that really hurt me, I've come to realise. A bit of shame. Plus, mainstream Christian culture had a big grip on us (in our bible studies, small groups etc) and I think that's where a lot of the messages about sexuality came from.
Ultimately we're all human and kind of feeling in the dark. I don't feel annoyed or upset with anyone - I'm more angry at the higher structures that allow this kind of shaming to flourish, I think.
Anyway that was another mini essay in itself ;) haha
Yeah, I've had many friends over the years who have been hurt by the theological beliefs of modern popular Christian movements in much the same way. It's a shame that these types of ideas proliferate so widely. They cause so much damage.
This is absolutely brilliant. I started writing a comment that was at risk of being longer than the post itself but I thought better of it. I can talk at astonishing length about this topic. Instead that I'll just say that I appreciate this so very much. I haven't seen any of the films you mentioned but I have heard a lot about them and need to check them out at some point.
I had all kinds of reactions to this, but ultimately don't want to add any opinions. I feel they'd just be subtracting from this brilliantly honest exploration of your lived experiences and views. Especially as a male with entirely different societal expectations.
Seperately I can empathise, as someone raised catholic, with aspects of religious shaming and doctrine! Some of which just always live in your head. Even though I threw those beliefs away decades ago.
And as a Dad of a 14 year old trying to navigate these topics. I think this would be good for my daughter to read. As a kind of affirmation that sexuality and sex are ok and important but also messy cultural things too. I think we're a generally liberal family but sometimes you need to read somebody elses perspectives to really shake your brain and make it think.
Wow, thank you so much. That means a lot to me, particularly what you said about your daughter. Part of the reason why I wrote this is because I'm trying to unpick some of the messages I learned, mostly for my daughter's sake. She's 10 now and I always said I would be honest with her about this stuff, even if it's painful and embarrassing. She'll get all sorts of mixed messages about sexuality from culture in general, but she doesn't have to have the same damaging experiences I had.
I think we're fairly sex-positive and open-minded as a family but in practice it's actually really hard to teach this stuff. We all have deeply-rooted stuff that can be difficult to deal with and I think that impacts the way we parent our own kids. Writing this has helped me to figure out what I don't want them to learn, at least!
Thank you again, it does mean so much to me :) especially as it's a topic that makes me feel quite vulnerable.
This is what I was wanting to say exactly! There is nothing I could add that would be of any value really.
My experience with Christianity is so different from so many others’ I’ve come to realize. I was raised a Methodist and among the mainline denominations the Methodist church is pretty left-leaning as far as my understanding goes. My wife calls them the hippie denomination, lol. My own experience in the church I grew up in corroborates this. There was never any judgement, everyone was always loving, kind, and open-minded and accepting of people from all walks of life no matter who they were. Never any shaming. I would experience that later on when I’d occasionally visit other types of churches. That’s when I realized there are a lot of strange beliefs out there that were completely out of step with what I was raised with. So I count myself lucky in that regard!
Ah Daniel, that sounds like the perfect way to interact with the Christian faith.
Our actual church was very welcoming and loving, and generally accepting. There was never any kind of hatred from the pulpit. But there was some subtle, theological-based stuff that really hurt me, I've come to realise. A bit of shame. Plus, mainstream Christian culture had a big grip on us (in our bible studies, small groups etc) and I think that's where a lot of the messages about sexuality came from.
Ultimately we're all human and kind of feeling in the dark. I don't feel annoyed or upset with anyone - I'm more angry at the higher structures that allow this kind of shaming to flourish, I think.
Anyway that was another mini essay in itself ;) haha
Yeah, I've had many friends over the years who have been hurt by the theological beliefs of modern popular Christian movements in much the same way. It's a shame that these types of ideas proliferate so widely. They cause so much damage.
This is absolutely brilliant. I started writing a comment that was at risk of being longer than the post itself but I thought better of it. I can talk at astonishing length about this topic. Instead that I'll just say that I appreciate this so very much. I haven't seen any of the films you mentioned but I have heard a lot about them and need to check them out at some point.
Haha, now I'm really intrigued!
Glad you enjoyed it though/it resonated with you.
Haha well it was more on the religious aspect but you already said it better than I could.
There's so much more I could say about this - ended up cutting a bit out as the length was getting ridiculous, haha
Maybe you could write a book one day about it?
I've thought about it! Or at least a short story. Maybe one day :)